The Roads are Winding, and the Lights are Blinding
by JennyRegal
Summary: "The only way to win this fight was to become one with her enemy." Regina becomes the Dark One instead of Emma and has to deal with her own demons down this new path where the roads are winding, and the lights are blinding. (Dark so trigger warning for pretty much anything).
1. Chapter 1

The Savior, the Charmings, the Pirate, the Queen, and the Thief stood in the middle of the street as the darkness crept closer, advancing from all sides.

"Where the hell is it?" Regina so eloquently shouted.

"It hasn't gone anywhere. The darkness… it's surrounding us." Emma was slowly taking in what the Apprentice had revealed. The only way the Sorcerer could stop this darkness from destroying realms was by tethering it to a human soul.

"Let me see that," Regina outstretched her hand to Emma so she could hold the dagger. What she saw upon inspection proved her fear to be true. The dagger of the Dark One no longer carried a name.

As Regina traced the pattern engraved on the dagger in place of a name, she felt a sudden rush of apprehension. Sure enough, by the time she looked up a dark mass spiraled towards her and engulfed her like a tornado. She felt every raw emotion of fear and anger build up inside her as the black storm spun around and around, suffocating her.

She could vaguely see Robin charging the entity and getting flung back by its vicious power. Snow and David watched with tears in their eyes and mouths wide open, fearing they were losing their new found friend forever.

"Regina!" Emma yelled, and without words she told Regina what she needed to do. With the look of desperation on her face a simple nod toward the dagger, Emma watched as Regina prepared to take on the role of the Dark One.

Regina thought of Rumpelstiltskin and how this darkness consumed him. Was she strong enough to fight it? She had already given into it before it was a physical leach on her soul. It would probably creep in and grow with each day until she couldn't fight it anymore.

She didn't want to be the Dark One, but she didn't want to die either. She could barely see the others now. She could hear her heart beating frantically, without rhythm and with deafening sound. The only way to win this fight was to become one with her enemy.

She held on tight to the dagger and stabbed the black layer that was attacking her. The darkness began to latch onto the dagger and then her arm like a bunch of tiny fingers groping and swallowing her.

A sob escaped Emma's mouth as she watched the woman she fought so hard for seemingly lose her happy ending. Robin's face was screwed up, and he was breathing so heavy as if he were feeling her pain. Snow's eyes slowly shut as she accepted this new obstacle. It was as if the universe wanted Regina to suffer. After every time they made progress in their relationship, something would jeopardize Regina's redemption. A tear rolled down Snow's cheek as she saw the look of pure exhaustion etched on Regina's face.

Every breath became harder for Regina to take. She was tired of fighting and tired of losing. Finally, when the darkness was finished penetrating her soul, she disappeared. The five others were frozen in their places until they spotted something shiny on the ground.

Robin was the first to move toward it, and he sighed heavily as he picked it up. The same devastating sigh left the others when they saw it.

Engraved in black cursive on the silver dagger was "Regina Mills".

 _Giving this a try so I can get it out of my head._


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this took so long. Awful writer's block. I'm glad ya'll like this, but I'm really not sure how it's going to turn out cause I have no idea how they are even going to do this story line in the actual show with Emma. I'll try my best!**

 **Also this has Robin and Regina paired up and lots of Emma and Snow friendship.**

When the motion sickness subsided, Regina realized she was hunched over and gripping the edge of something. After a few deep breaths she looked down to see her white knuckles latched onto the rim of the well Rumple had used to bring the darkest of magic back into Storybrooke.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she combated the anger that boiled up inside of her. She was angry at the dark one for taking her. Her loved ones for not being able to help her. This town that just can't seem to have a period of peace and rest. Just as she was inching closer to her happy ending, yet another obstacle aligns itself in her path.

She tried to calm herself because in her head she knew this was the Dark One amplifying her anger and using it to consume her, but that didn't make her any less angry.

She tried to think about Henry and how happy he makes her. She tried to remember how she got Robin and Roland back. She now had friends in Emma, Snow, and even David. However, with each of these pleasant thought rose repulsive ones like how Zelena just couldn't let her be happy. She had created yet another impassible obstacle for her only sister. She began to think this newfound happiness would be temporary especially pending the unleashing of the monster inside of her.

Her body trembled. Her face shimmered in a sheen of sweat. She felt as if her body were catching fire from the inside out.

Although it was pitch black outside in the middle of the forest, Regina noticed something illuminating in the well beneath her. Two purple dots seemed to be dancing around in the wobbling water. Upon further inspection, she came to realize they were a reflection of her eyes which were now glowing insanely purple.

The fire inside her body ceased, and she suddenly became cold and empty. Her grip on the edge of the well was lost, and she had trouble staying on her feet. She no longer shook with rage and anger, but with despair and loneliness.

As she opened the palm of her hand and generated fire, she was able to see how her skin had turned into that ugly gold snake like skin that Rumple had sported in the Enchanted Forest. Regina almost gaged at the sight and quickly performed a spell that returned her former skin to her, or at least masked the new skin.

Regina began to wonder what the others must think happened to her. She wanted to transport herself to them, but couldn't find the strength anymore. Instead, she collapsed to the ground and tried to regain her strength.

She began to realize how the Dark One worked. He would only let her feel empowered when she gave into her darkest self. If she didn't tap into her dark side, the Dark One would make sure she felt nothing but emptiness and isolation until depression overwhelmed her and she could feel nothing but anger. The Dark One punishes virtue and feeds on vice. For Rumple it had been power, but for her it was anger.

Back on the other side of town where the streets were lined with light and the voices of others could be heard, five people stood in the middle of the road completely dumbfounded.

"Should we summon her," Robin quietly offered after a long bout of silence and heavy breathing.

"Let's go fill Henry in on what happened first, and then yeah I thinks that's our best option," Emma responded, already dreading this conversation with Henry.

As soon as they stepped foot back in the diner, Henry could tell something was wrong. After eyeing each of them down, he notices who was missing. "Where's Mom?" Then, he looked down at the dagger Robin had in his hand.

Henry's face fell, "No."

After explaining the events of the past hour, Emma took a deep breath and held henry hand. "I'm sorry kid." He just looked down into his lap in the booth. This isn't the first time his family faced evil. It had actually become something to be expected, especially from Regina. "What do we do now?" he asked.

The few remnant people from the earlier gathering had dwindled down until only the six of them were left. In the middle of the empty diner, the six of them prepared to summon the Dark one.

"Who wants to do it?" Emma asked. No one really wanted to refer to Regina as the Dark One. Henry stepped up.

He knew the proper way was to say "Dark One I summon thee" but this was his mom, and that's just too weird. So instead, he held the dagger up and said, "Mom," in a beckoning voice while wishing with all his heart that she would appear in front of him.

Within seconds, Regina appeared in the middle of the almost empty diner. She looked exhausted, like she had just had a battle within her and she barely got out alive. She was pale and still damp with sweat, wearing the same close she had been an hour ago. But something about her looked different.

"Are you alright?" Robin asked urgently. Regina nodded her head, but she was clearly troubled. Emma tried to reassure her, "We're going to figure this out. Tomorrow I'm gonna get Belle and we'll do some research and figure out how to get to Merlin. She's with Gold at the hospital for now. They're waiting for him to wake up."

Regina listened to every word Emma said, but she couldn't find a way to react. She just quietly stared back at her. There was really nothing more to say.

"Why don't I take you back home so you can get some rest?" Robin offered. Regina recalled the conversation they were having before they happened on the Charmings in the middle of the road an hour ago. She had told him she wanted him to live in the mansion with her. He was thrilled to hear this and wanted nothing more than to be a real family.

"Roland is with Little John right now. Would you like me to get him or should I leave him with him?" Regina tried to think. Did she want Roland around her right now? For that matter, Henry? Would it make the situation better or worse? She honestly didn't know.

"Maybe just leave him for tonight, and we can get him tomorrow," Regina decided. Henry got the hint that this applied to him as well. "I'll see you tomorrow Mom," he said as he hugged her and followed Emma out the door.

Snow stopped on her way out and said, "Don't worry we will figure this out. Everything's going to be fine" with an obnoxious smile. There's that hope again. Regina felt a small amount of anger begin to build up, but she quickly realized what was happening. She's already changing. She just prayed she could hold out longer than Rumple could. Long enough to fix this before her son, her lover, and her newfound friends see the monster that's been hiding within her for years, just waiting to be unleashed with insurmountable fervor.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know last chapter wasn't a lot of action, but now I know where I want to go with this story! it's just a matter of finding time to write it.**

The days that followed were quite uneventful. Emma and Henry had read almost every book in the library concerning Merlin and Camelot. However, they continued to reach dead end after dead end. They couldn't seem to find a connection between Camelot and the Enchanted Forest, and the Apprentice was still in a coma along with Rumple.

Regina became more and more frustrated as the days went by without any good news. One night, Regina and Robin visited Snow, David, and Emma for a progress report while all the children went to a movie with the Merry Men, and Belle watched the baby. It was more of the same. "No we haven't found anything yet." "We're still looking." "How are you holding up?" "Don't worry it will all be okay."

Regina felt her skin crawl and let out a sarcastic chuckle as she shook her head in disbelief. "Regina, we will fix this," Snow said as she moved toward her. "Snow, stop." Regina warned. She was now hunched over the counter, gripping the edge with white knuckles. Snow continued to place a hand on Regina's shoulder, "Come on, we'll…" before Snow could finish, Regina had grabbed a knife from the block on the counter, spun Snow around, and now had her pinned against the nearest wall with the knife to her neck.

Emma, Robin, and David stood up simultaneously but kept their distance. Who knew silence could be so loud? Regina and Snow were locked against each other both physically and emotionally. Snow's hands were flat up and against the wall in a submissive position. Regina had one arm across Snow's abdomen, effectively pinning her to the wall while the other hand shakily held the knife to her throat.

"Regina!" Emma breathed out, trying to snap Regina back into reality without making things worse. But Regina wasn't listening. She was looking deeply into Snow's eyes. She saw the fear she used to see from Snow in the Enchanted Forest. Fear that she hadn't seen in a very long time. She also saw betrayal and disappointment. They had become friends. They were starting to trust each other. The dark parts of Regina got a kick out of her reaction, but the reformed Regina hated it.

Perhaps the most frightening thing to Regina was what she didn't see. She didn't see hope. She didn't see optimism. She wasn't giving her a hope speech or telling her she had faith that she had changed, that she wouldn't hurt her. On the contrary, Snow seemed certain she would, and that's what scared Regina most.

Snow watched as Regina went from raging murderer to remorseful addict. An addict who had worked so hard to get away from the Evil Queen, and has just relapsed after over a year of being clean. All that could be heard were the ragged breaths of Snow and the Queen. The others weren't breathing. They were frozen in suspense, not sure what to do.

Regina and Snow stayed in place until their breaths were in sync. It was then that Regina's eyes shifted to the ground with heaviness. Her head was now hanging and was super close to snow's face. She didn't know what to do. They had never even been this close in proximity before and suddenly all of the tension of their past was now between them. Snow could feel Regina's whole body droop and lean against her as Regina opened her right hand, and the knife fell to the floor.

Regina slowly backed away and finally looked up to meet Snow's eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered as David ran to Snow and Robin ran to her. Emma stood between them, and no one said a word. Suddenly, Regina became aware that everyone was looking at her. She looked down and started heading toward the door. When Robin started to follow her, she gave him a look hinting she wanted to be alone.

She found a bench right outside of the apartment building. Not to her surprise, she heard footstep behind her, daring to join her after she obviously expressed she wanted to be alone. However, the footsteps didn't belong to Emma or Robin, but to David.

Regina gave him a curious look as he sat down next to her. "I think you and Snow should talk about this," he offered after a bout of silence. She let out a dry chuckle, "I don't think she wants to be anywhere near me after that."

"Oh come on. You know Snow better than that. She didn't give up on you before when you were a raging lunatic, what makes you think she will now?" Regina considered David's comment seriously. "I guess you have a point. But this is different. I'm not supposed to be that person anymore, and I couldn't control it." "But you stopped it and that's what counts."

Regina thought back for a moment. "I don't think she thought I would stop. She thought I was going to kill her." She continued to avoid eye contact with David as she played with her hands in her lap. "And what did you think?"

"I don't know. I was angry. I wanted her to shut up. I liked seeing her scared." Regina's voice was a devoid of emotion and as monotone as she could manage. "But?" David asked. Regina sighed, "But seeing her scared made me sacred." "How come?" "If she, the woman with all the hope in the world, didn't have faith in me, then how could I?"

David nodded his head. He got the answer he was looking for. "And the fact that you cared enough about your redemption to get scared says that you can have faith in yourself." Regina sighed again, "You Charmings with your deep analyzing." This earned a chuckle out of David.

"I could've really hurt her you know?" Regina added. She wasn't really sure why David was being so calm about this. "I know you wouldn't intentional hurt her now Regina." "But the Dark One might." Now David sighed. "Don't get me wrong Regina. I care about you and we're family, but if you do ever really hurt Snow, I will kill you." Regina smirked, "Good."

This could quite possibly be the strangest conversation they've ever had, but it was the most honest. As they stood up to return to the apartment Regina lightly grabbed his arm. "And David… Thanks for never completely forgiving me for the things I've done." He gave her an odd look. "It may piss me off, but it's nice to know someone will put me in my place when I need it." He smiled and grabbed her shoulder in a comforting manner, and they shared a knowing look. If David of all people could trust her. She should be able to trust herself.

When they entered the apartment, Snow was sitting on the couch drinking some hot chocolate that Emma had whipped up and served everyone. "Well I guess I'll go get the boys," Emma excused herself. Robin soon followed with an "I'll go with you". David also used his child as an excuse but was honest enough to add, "So you two can talk."

When the door closed, it was just Regina and Snow. Regina slowly and cautiously lowered herself onto the couch next to Snow. "So…" Regina said uncomfortably. Snow stared at her cup, "I don't even know how to begin this conversation." "Me either," Regina nervously chuckled. She seemed to be doing that a lot these days: laughing at her unbelievable and ironic predicament.

Regina shifted to face Snow more, "Look, I just want you to know I would never intentionally hurt you. Not now anyways, but I couldn't control what just happened and I'm sorry I scared you."

"Do you hate me?" Regina was thrown by Snow's abrupt question. "What?"

Snow set down her cup and turned to face Regina. "Do you still hate me? I'm not asking if you would ever hurt me, I'm asking if you hate me." Regina wasn't sure how to answer, "N…No. why?" Snow's shoulders dropped, "That's not your honest answer is it?" "What are you talking about?" "When you went all crazy on me I saw something in your eyes that I used to see as a little girl. Something that got worse as I got older." Regina shook her head, confused. "I saw resentment and hatred. It was like it came from some place deep inside of you, and it found its way out but it was there!"

Snows eyes started to fill with tears. Regina's mouth hung open. She didn't know what to do with a crying adult Snow. Regina's eyes herself were starting to water because Snow was right. There was hatred in there. "I'm right aren't I?" Snow asked in a sort of whimper. "Snow what's this about. Why do you care?" Snow bite back "Because I love you Regina! You were like my mother and all I wanted was to be like you and for you to love me back, and I guess I thought even after all we've been through it was still possible after these past two years, but now…"

Regina's jaw moved up and down, trying to say something, but she was stunned. She swallowed hard, "Uh…" her eyes darted around the room trying to find someone to help her, but they had all left. Snow shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I just made this a whole lot more awkward. We don't have to talk anymore if you want." She turned back and faced forward, taking her cup in her hand. Regina just stared at her, unable to comprehend what just happened.

"Snow, it's a really complicated situation. There are things you don't know about and things were really complicated back then. I hated a lot of things about my life and projected them all onto you…" "What about now?" Snow cut her off. "Now, I'm trying to work on bettering myself and all of my relationships including ours." Snow perked up a little when she heard this. "And I think we're doing a pretty good job so far," Regina added. Snow looked up and gave the slightest smile. "Well, with the exception of earlier." The tension between them eased as they laughed and remembered what had taken place there a few moments ago.

Regina checked her phone and saw a text from Robin that they were waiting for her downstairs whenever she was ready. "Well, I'm going to head home, but there is one thing." Regina said as she got up and went to open the door. "Even when I hated you the most, I always hated myself more." Regina looked somber as she utter those words. Snow could tell Regina was speaking the painful truth.


	4. Chapter 4

**So... I haven't had a review since the first chapter... talk to me! This is where it starts to get pretty dark so TW: mentions of marital rape, substance abuse**

After tucking Roland in, Regina still couldn't seem to settle down after the interesting night they had. Robin watched her go for her purse and coat. "Where are you going?" "I just need to get out for a while. Take a walk. Maybe get a drink." "Are you sure that's a good idea?" "I'll be back in an hour. If I'm not back you can come get me, but please just let me be by myself for an hour," she pleaded with him.

He nodded, "Okay. One hour." He kissed her forehead and she smiled and kissed his lips. She couldn't help but smile. "I'm fine. Stop worrying. I just need an hour then I'm all yours," Regina teased. Robin raised his eyebrows playfully while she turned to leave.

She walked to the Rabbit Hole for a drink or two, praying no one would find her there at such a late hour on a Monday. She was on her second drink when a figure slid in the seat next to her at the bar.

"Well, I never pegged you for a whiskey drinker. I always thought wine was more your thing" Regina turned to see Maleficent next to her with her blonde hair in perfect curls, thick eyeliner, and red lips. "Well tonight's been a whiskey kind of night." "That bad huh? What is it now? Your sister? Robin? Trouble in paradise?" she mocked as she swirled her own drink around and took a sip. Despite her belittlement, she seemed genuinely interested in Regina's problems. Maybe they were still friends after all this time.

"More like Snow White dropping an emotional bomb on me, and I don't want to be up all night thinking about it." Regina said as she downed the last of her drink. "I have to get back home."

"Well I'm sorry to hear about that. It must be hard to play friends with your old nemesis. Anyway, let me know if you need something a little more than alcohol to take the edge off." Maleficent gave her a wink, got out of her chair, and put a hand on Regina's shoulder in an almost seductive way. "You know where to find me." Regina felt a familiar mischievous smile creep up on her face, "Indeed I do."

When she got home she was slightly buzzed and not yet tipsy but close. She wasn't thinking about Snow or Zelena or the Dark One. She wasn't thinking anything except about how comfortable she was in Robin's arms. She continued to think of nothing and had the first uninterrupted night's sleep in months.

Another week had passed with no major progress aside from Rumple coming out of his coma. Regina continued to feel a cocktail of anger, anxiety, and depression bubbling beneath her surface so she took Mal up on her offer and acquired these blue pills. She didn't even ask what they were. She didn't want to know as long as they would help her.

There had been a string of robberies in town, and as mayor she had to attend a briefing with Emma, David, and Snow who was rocking Neal back and forth the whole time. Emma noticed how Regina barely said a word and had a glazed over quality about her. Was she even listening?

When the meeting adjourned, Emma asked to speak to Regina. There was no response. "Regina!" she flinched "What?" It was then that Emma noticed a slight redness in the whites of her eyes. "Oh my God are you _high_?" she asked, astounded.

"What are you talking about…" the lack of full consciousness was in her voice. Regina Mills was the most articulate person in town and now she's slurring and mumbling. "Don't even deny it." Regina made a pouty face, "Fine. I took some pills and I didn't realize how powerful they are so I'll take less next time."

"Next time!" Emma had her arms crossed and stopped her pacing. "Emma they help me. I'll take less but I can't deal with what I feel every day. Just let me handle this until we find a way to get the Dark One out of me. Please I'm begging."

"Ugh. Just take as little as possible and make sure no one else notices. Where did you even get them?" "Uhh…How about I say Dr. Hopper and you don't look into it." Emma rolled her eyes. "Just take care of yourself."

Another week passed with no news. Regina was hiding her drug use well by only taking half a pill a day. Emma's watchful eye did not go unnoticed. Regina could feel her watching her every move. She felt dull and maybe even almost numb, but it was better than feeling the monster inside of her.

The awkwardness between Snow and Regina seemed to subside for the time being. School was starting and Roland started Kindergarten while Henry entered his freshman year of high school. Things were quiet on the home front until Regina got a call from Emma.

"What did she say?" Robin asked when she hung up the phone.

"They found the guy who's been robbing houses, and he kidnapped a little girl. He'll only tell us her location if all of us are there."

"Why on earth would he want all of us there? Do you know him?"

"He used to be one of my guards I think but other than that no."

When they arrived at the station, they weren't ready for what lied before them. A man of about thirty five sat in the interrogation room, handcuffed to the table. Everyone was there: Emma, Snow, David, her, and Robin. All by his request. A smile grew on his face when they all filed into the room.

Emma began, "Gary Liger. Caught robbing a house on 3rd street…" "And in possession of a nine year old girl hidden somewhere in town. Please," he motioned Regina to the chair across from him. "Sit."

"Here's how this is going to work…" "You don't get to make demands here," Emma interrupted. He gave her side eye and continued, "My terms are simple actually and I'm the only one who knows where she is so yes, I do get to make the demands. I will reveal a clue about her location for every secret I reveal about this one here," he said pointing to Regina.

Regina laughed, "Like you know anything about me." Gary leaned back in his chair. "Ah, so quick to forget, Your Majesty. Did you forget our time together? I guess I shouldn't be offended. I was one of… what? Over fifty people you fucked that year. You know what year I'm talking about. The one where you were finally free of your husband." He looked over to Snow, "The year she killed your father."

Although she was freaking out internally, Regina kept her calm composure on the outside as the entire room had their eyes on her. "How about I start from the beginning? Let start with why she killed the King in the first place." He clasped his shackled hands together and looked straight into Regina's eyes.

"Must have been awful losing your virginity to a man three times your age and playing mother to a child only eight years younger than you. A child you couldn't even look at without picturing your mother squeezing your true love's heart to dust right in front of you. You didn't kill the King to get power or to hurt Snow. You did it because you hated him with every fiber of your being. You hated how he ignored you until you had to appear publicly or until he had an itch to scratch. You dreaded the nights when he would crawl into your bed even after begging him not to."

Regina's composer was still calm but not relaxed in the slightest. She tried not to look at the other's reactions. She focused on staring at Gary until she could leave the room. In the corner of her eye she saw Snow's mouth open in shock.

"The girl is handcuffed so you'll need the keys. I'll tell you where they are later, but she's indoors," he said looking at Emma and then back to Regina. "So then there's the period after his death where you took your sexual freedom to… let's say an extreme. You slept with half your guards, including me. You seduced almost everyone you did business with. You had the Huntsman locked up. I seem to recall a special relationship with Maleficent." At this information, Regina could see everyone exchange glances. "Captain Hook, and rumors that you and Rumple hit the sack a time or two." Emma's eyes grew wide. She almost said something, but thought better of it.

"The keys to handcuff are in the glove compartment of a red pick-up truck parked outside." Regina felt like she was on fire. She was burning alive from the inside out. Gary didn't fail to notice. "We can talk about the obvious crimes you committed. The amount of people you killed. Can you even count them? Do you sleep at night knowing you caused the deaths of innocent children? Or what about the death of your own father? Or should I say murder?"

Regina could feel tears forming behind her eyes. "How did it feel to reach into your own father's chest and kill him? All for a curse to punish Snow White. A curse that ultimately failed. Was it worth it?"

She started shaking. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. "The girl is at 616 Wainworth Avenue." David jumped into action and ran out the room to get her. Regina slowly stood up, her eyes never leaving Gary's although they were quickly filling with tears.

As soon as she left the room, her walk turned into a sprint to the bathroom. Snow went after her while Emma and Robin led Gary to his cell. She opened the bathroom door to find Regina hunched over, leaning against the wall taking huge, ragged breaths.

"Regina?" Snow knew not to ask if she was okay. She's clearly not. She just needed Regina to know she was there. "I… I can't… breathe" Regina whispered between gasps.

Snow grabbed a paper towel and ran it under the sink. "Here sit down," she said as she guided Regina to the floor and placed the wet towel on the back of Regina's neck. That's when Emma and Robin came in to check on her.

Although they hadn't had much time to process all the information, they couldn't help but look at Regina differently. They were angry, yes. But Regina was clearly suffering enough for all of them. Her face was completely saturated with sweat and tears.

Emma bent down next to Snow and Regina. "Hey, we're right here okay?" When she met Emma's eyes, her breaths slowed slightly although she was still gasping and hiccuping. Robin knelt down in front of her and held her hand without saying a word. A final tear rolled down her cheek, and now all that was left were deep breaths and dizziness. Snow gently rubbed Regina's back, "Put your head between your knees for a few minutes." Regina obeyed and sat there on the bathroom floor with her head between her knees surrounded by three people who now know her darkest secrets. Three people that may never look at her the same.


	5. Chapter 5

**So wow it's been a while. I really had a plan for this story, and I fully intended to see it through. I just had a nasty case of writer's block and life. Anyway, I hope ya'll are still with me, and if you're just joining, welcome!**

 **So just a refresher: Regina became the Dark One, almost killed Snow in her apartment, they had an emotional chat, Maleficent gave her some drugs, this guy came in and spilled all of Regina's secrets, and she had a panic attack on the bathroom floor at the station.**

 **Trigger Warning: suicide, language, drugs, etc.**

* * *

Today, Regina is staring at a dark gray, damp wall with her legs crossed Indian style. She doesn't eat. She doesn't sleep. She would probably laugh callously at her situation were she not in such a catatonic state.

Here she is in the place she trapped so many people: Belle, Sydney, and most recently her sister. How far down the hall is Zelena? Are they neighbors now? What a twisted turn of fate!

As Regina recalled the events leading up to her placement in the asylum under Storybrooke's hospital, the memories seemed foggy. Maybe it was all a dream. Or maybe she had fallen this hard.

The woman sitting lifelessly on the bed looked nothing like the woman who went back home with Robin and Roland after having every deep and dark secret exposed and exploited.

Robin had tried to be there for her. He really had. But nothing was going to stop Regina from ungracefully downing another bottle of wine.

"Alright, I think that's enough," Robin had said as he grabbed the neck of the bottle that was gunning for Regina's lips.

"Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what I can and can't do!?" Regina slurred in his face.

"Regina keep it down, I just put Roland to bed," Robin chastised.

Something snapped in Regina. It came from a deep place of self-loathing. She pushed Robin's chest with both of her hands, "What are you gonna do? Make me? Am I such a terrible, worthless slut that needs to behave?"

Robin stumbled backwards, dumbfounded. He lifted his hands in self surrender, "Regina, you're not thinking straight. I think you just need to calm down and get some rest."

"Shut the fuck up!" she screamed. "Don't pretend like you're not disgusted with me and the things I did."

"Shhhh. No Regina. Because you're not the same person anymore"

"Ha! That's what you all keep saying. I've even told myself that, but I'm still the same sick and twisted person who slaughtered villages and hurt children. I still think about killing people who get in my way or even look at me sideways. And sure, I don't act on it, but I easily could. I'm still every bit the Evil Queen, and now I'm the fucking Dark One. So please, tell me again how you're fine with all of this!"

At this point, Roland had woken up from the screaming coming from downstairs. "Daddy, what's going on?" he asked from the top of the staircase.

"Yeah _daddy,_ tell him how fucking perfect everything is" she mocked. The next thing she did was the final straw.

She hurled the closest empty bottle at him with Roland still watching from above. Robin ducked as the bottle smashed against the wall. Glass went flying. Roland started wailing.

It was at that moment Robin decided he had to put his son first, and remove him from this toxic situation. As much as he wanted to be there for Regina, he just couldn't right now. Especially since he knows he'll slip up and say the wrong thing.

So he picks Roland up and heads out the door. He tried calling every member of the Charming Clan, but at this point everyone was sleeping, so he left voicemails asking them to check on Regina as soon as they can.

But that night, there was no one checking on Regina. No one was there to watch her break into Maleficent's room. No one stopped her from raiding her stash. No one could talk her down from such a pinnacle of self-hatred.

In the silent and careless night, Regina poured a bottle's worth of Maleficent's white pills into the palm of her hand, fisting another bottle of wine with the other.

She watched her reflection fade in and out and double, gripping the sink. She watched her existence erasing until her legs fell out from under her.

* * *

Hours later, Emma, Snow, and David banged on the door to the huge white mansion. When there was no answer, Emma took it upon herself to pick the lock due to Robin's urgent voice on the phone.

"EMMA!" Snow was the first to fine her lying on the bathroom floor with an empty bottle of wine and an empty bottle of pills.

"What did you do?" Snow dropped down to Regina and held her face in agony. A glimmer of hope in her eyes when she felt Regina's pulse: weak and faint, but there.

Emma and David rushed in and acted quickly. "She fading fast, she's not gonna make it to the hospital like this," Emma declared. She hoisted Regina's limp body up over the bowl of the toilet. Without hesitating, she shoved two fingers down Regina's throat, inducing some vomit out of Regina.

"Dad, get the shower. Cold water." David did as he was told, and lifted Regina into the tub. The three huddle around Regina's face, waiting for any sign of life.

A faint moan escaped her lips, and a shiver ran down her body. "Okay. Let's get her to the hospital right now!"

After being pronounced dead twice, Dr. Whale was able to revive her. Snow thought she'd never hear the end of the rhythmic "clear" followed by the grizzly shocking sound.

Regina was left with some nasty electric burns from the defibrillator, but that wasn't the only outcome of her resuscitation. After an MRI and a magical workup by Blue, Dr. Whale concluded that the darkness in her had retreated to a tiny notch in Regina's heart, which has been temporarily walled off by the light magic coursing through Regina's veins. However, it was believed that any used of magic would trigger the Dark One's return.

So now she's being observed. Put on a sort of suicide watch because she hasn't uttered a word since being resurrected. She didn't react to anything anyone told her. She didn't even make eye contact. She just stared ahead, but her stare wasn't blank. It was full of conflict.

There was a war raging within her. Everyone could see it, but no one could help her. She wouldn't let them. Not even when Henry kneeled before her in her cage, crying and pleading for her to look at him. Not even when Robin visited her for every meal that she didn't eat. His trips felt futile…. Until one day she looked at him.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it! There's lots more to come!


	6. Chapter 6

Robin had been bringing all of her meals to her for 3 days. They already had to give her IV fluids and electrolytes because she wasn't eating. If she kept it up, they would have to force feed her.

So on this third day, Robin brought Regina her dinner, begging her to eat it. He was desperate.

"Please Regina," he knelt down in front of her and was level with her knees. She was still sitting Indian-style, as if she hasn't moved a muscle.

Robin looked up into her vacant eyes that were looking past him. "I'm not going to give up on you," he whimpered as he lowered his head against her right knee and began to sob.

He couldn't even remember the last time he cried this hard. He gasped for air, and his breath hitched as he let out what he had been holding in for the past week.

Robin flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder. At first he thought it may have been a nurse, but it was so light and gentle. He let out a small gasp when he looked up to see those brown eyes he loved looking directly into his.

Not only had she acknowledged him, she had acknowledge his pain by comforting him. She still hasn't spoken, and Robin didn't want to push her and have her shut down again. So he reached for the hand on his shoulder, kissed it gently, and then sat next to her on the bed.

Regina's eyes wandered the room, free of the catatonic trance. Robin suddenly remembered his task. He slowly reach for the piece of bread on the food tray and held it up to her. "Please eat something," he pleaded.

She stared at it for a moment and then at Robin. She really wasn't hungry, but desperation oozed off of his face and made her feel guilty. So she broke off a small piece and gingerly placed it into her mouth. She grimaced while chewing. Eating only made her feel more nauseated, but after a few bites, she felt better. When offered the rest of the tray, she refused. That was enough for one day. Baby steps.

Robin bent down to pick up the tray. As much as he wanted to stay, he didn't want to impose or stress Regina out more. They had made so much progress today, and he didn't want to ruin it. However, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist as he rose from the bed.

Regina looked at him with pleading eyes. "You want me to stay?" he tentatively asked. He had to suppress his excitement when she slowly nodded her head. She wanted him to be by her.

He got her to lay down next to him in the twin sized bed. She immediately sunk into him, completely comfortable. Everything was slow and quiet, like approaching a bird or wild animal.

Robin felt Regina's head grow heavier and heavier on his chest. After thirty minutes of listening to Regina's heavy and steady breaths, Robin allowed sleep to take him.

* * *

Robin reluctantly left Regina to take care of Roland on the condition that Regina would talk to Archie.

"I think it would be good for you to walk around more, and maybe socialize with the other patients." Archie received the biggest death glare of his life after suggesting the Queen should mingle with the deranged.

"Hey, the sooner you display normal social and psychological behavior, the faster you can get off of suicide watch and get out of here. If you really put forth some effort, I'll even arrange for you to spend Christmas at home."

Regina perked up at the suggestion of going home and seeing Henry. She missed him so much, but she refused to let him see her in this place.

The first two days of mingling with the patients was only slightly painful. Regina spent most of her time reading books on the couch in the common room, only engaging in small talk.

Some conversations consisted of her humoring the idea that aliens were watching them on the other side of every mirror. It was just another mundane day until someone obnoxiously plopped down next to her on the couch with a familiar high pitched sigh.

"So look who finally came to join the rest of us. I was beginning to think you'd never come out to play sis." Regina rolled her eyes at the redhead, "How are you even here. You should be locked up without visitors."

Zelena shrugged, "I guess they felt it was inhumane to keep me in an 8x8 cell for the rest of my life. Don't worry, I've got this lovely piece of jewelry to keep you safe," she said raising her wrist to show the leather cuff.

Regina chuckled. "I don't need any kind of protection from you."

Zelena smiled, eyes wide. "Oh really, cause a little birdie told me that you tried to off yourself and now you can't use your magic. Sounds to me like you can't do much fighting for yourself." Regina eyed her as she rose from the couch and turned to face her with a wicked smile.

Zelena laughed, "You really are quite pathetic. Can't keep any friends. Can't keep a boyfriend. Can't keep your son. Can't even keep your own life. It's sad really. But I guess it's better for it to happen this way. You'll just slowly fade away, and it'll be like you never existed. Robin will move on. Your so called son won't have such a pathetic excuse for a mother. I bet he won't even miss you..."

Zelena was interrupted by Regina's fingers wrapping around her neck. She had pounced off the couch and slammed Zelena against the wall. A couple of orderlies came rushing towards them. Regina wanted so much to use her magic. It was building up inside her.

Regina and Zelena locked eyes. Zelena smiled as if this were exactly what she wanted. Regina must have picked up on this because she slowly realized that word of this fight would get back to Archie, the only one who could grant her Christmas with her family.

"I struck a nerve didn't I?" Zelena asked as a heavy breathing Regina loosened her grip. "You're not worth it."

* * *

Henry continued to attend school, worrying about his mother every day and wondering why she refuses to see him. Snow, Emma, and David were still trying to get to the bottom of the Rumple situation.

It wasn't too long until he turned up in the sheriff's station, seeming to be exactly where he wanted to be. His magic had returned so he felt brave enough to admit to his crime.

He had arranged for Regina's ex-guard to kidnap the girl and hold her in exchange for an interview with Regina. Rumple told the man exactly what to say.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him while Snow gasped, "Why on Earth would you do something like that?"

Rumple smirked, "The Dark One is dormant is it not?"

A wave of realization rushed over their faces. "You knew she would try to kill herself. But how could you know?"

Rumple looked down at the floor and the up again and sighed, "Because she's done it before."

It was something Emma had considered, but hearing that she actually tried several times before was sobering. Snow inhaled sharply. Apparently she never though Regina was so miserable that she would end her life.

David chimed in, "But how did you she wouldn't succeed?"

Rumple chuckled once again, "Because dearie, the Dark One never dies." And there was a glimmer in his eyes that suggested that he too had tested this hypothesis before.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey look it's been a year since I updated... heh_

 _Welp I promised myself I would finish this story so here's a short chapter. Hope you're still with me!_

 _Refresher: Regina became the Dark One, almost killed Snow in her apartment, they had an emotional chat, Maleficent gave her some drugs, This guy came in and spilled all of Regina's secrets, turns out he was sent by Rumple, she had a panic attack on the bathroom floor, went home, got in a drunk fight with Robin, OD-ed in her bathroom, was put in psych ward, didn't speak for weeks, Zelena is there too, Regina opens up a little to robin and Archie._

When Thanksgiving rolled around, Archie felt that Regina was well enough to leave on a sort of furlough. She would be allowed to spend one night outside of the hospital, and return for treatment the next morning.

Regina's heart raced with uncertainty as she changed into a nice beige sweater and black jeans. She was just slipping her dress boot on when Robin knocked on the door to her room, her cage.

"Are you ready?" he asked with a grin that made Regina want to melt into a puddle right then and there.

"I think so… I'm just-"

"Worried about appearing weak?" Robin finished for her. She nodded, "I just don't want them to give me that look. I don't want Henry or any of them to think I'm broken even if I am."

He took a few steps further to meet her. "You're not broken, just very hurt. And you're healing," he murmured into her shoulder as he held her close, scared of losing her again.

Regina was thankful it was overcast because her eyes burned even trying to adjust to the dim sunshine as she experience daylight for the first time in months.

Regina felt as light as a feather when they approached the door to the Charmings' loft. Her heart wouldn't stop fluttering in her chest. Why was she so nervous? She's the Evil Queen for gods-sake! But nonetheless, she was a feather in the wind, easily spooked by the winds around her.

David answered the door with a large, cheesy, but genuine smile. The table was set beautifully and the kitchen was filled pans and crockpots with endless amounts of food. David sat at the head of the table with Snow to his left and Emma to his right. Hook sat to the right of Emma and to the left of Robin. Roland sat across from his father to the left of Snow and to the right of Henry. That placed Regina comfortably between Henry and Robin at the other end of the table.

After everyone had their third helping, Regina and the boys retired to the living room to watch football. Regina wasn't quite so interested, but Emma and Snow insisted they did not need help cleaning up. She ended up slumped back on the couch with Roland sleeping in one arm and Henry wrapped in the other.

"I love you no matter what mom." Henry whispered drowsily into her ear.

And she closed her eyes and held onto those words, they would get her through the last few weeks of treatment.


	8. Chapter 8

Today was the day. Regina had finally earned enough points with Archie to get out of this basement they call a mental hospital.

Just as Regina stepped out into the hall, she saw Robin charging towards her. "What? What is it?" she alarmingly asked, mentally tracing the creases in his face from his lines of worry.

Robin breathlessly spoke, "It's Zelena. She escaped." And her stomach fell to the floor. They ran up to meet with Emma and the Charmings.

"Let's split up and cover more ground," Emma suggested. Somehow, Regina and Snow ended up headed in the same direction and decided to search the woods together.

In the distance, they heard screams of agony. As Regina rounded the large tree down the path, she saw a mop of red hair thrashing on the ground.

Upon further inspection, they realized she had gone into labor during her Houdini act.

"Zelena!" Regina screamed, frightened by the unnatural cries from her elder sister. "Get away from me!" Zelena grunted through gritted teeth. "Oh give it a rest, it's not like you can really stop me right now," Regina pointed out.

With the largest eye roll, Zelena wordlessly accepted the help of her sister and the precious Snow White. Snow moved to her end, while Regina stayed by her side. She couldn't believe she was in this position, helping her sister give birth to her soulmate's baby, but Zelena was screaming and digging her nails into Regina's hands. This was very much real.

"I need you to keep pushing Zelena!" Snow pleaded. "I can't!" Zelena cried.

"Yes you can!" Regina said as she tighten her grip on Zelena's hand and supported her back. "Now push!"

After Zelena's earth shattering scream penetrated the tranquility of the forest, a small cry rose above. All of the air in Zelena's lungs was forced out. "You did it," Regina whispered lovingly into Zelena's ear, her lip pressed against sweaty ginger curls.

But something was right. Regina felt increasing weight in her arms. Zelena's skin turned into a pale sickly blue, like all the warmth was drained out of her. "Zelena?" Regina frantically ran her hands over her sister's face.

Snow watched the strange encounter. You wouldn't even guess these two hated each other, but Regina, even with the Dark One inside of her has changed, and has always wanted a sister, a family.

"We have to get her to the hospital," Snow urged, holding the infant in her arms. "We can't carry her, and if we wait for the others it'll take too long."

Snow's face contorted with realization, "No. Regina no. You can't use magic, you awaken the Dark One!"

"She's going to die if I don't" Regina pressed. The two former enemies exchanged a long sorrowful look. This may be the last time Regina is free of the darkness waiting to pounce inside of her. All of her progress, about to shatter.

"Okay."


End file.
